Blackmaille88

BLACKMAILLE
Part 88 - Song Contest V Winners
by Lord Thomas the Black

BLACKMAILLE

Song Contest V Winners

Welcome back to another edition of everyone's favorite maille-related monthly: "Blackmaille"!

Apparently a lot of you learned your lesson from the "Song Contest IV" debacle, as I got as lot of good entries this time around. Apparently no one wants to see my songwriting skills. Anyway, on with the show...

Our first entry is a mailler's take on Alice Cooper's classic coming-of-age ballad "Eighteen", which he still performs in concert despite pushing 50 now. Odd...

Chainmaille

To the tune of Alice Cooper's "Eighteen"

Coils form on the mandrel bar
Coils form from the wire spool
I'm in the workshop just winding up rings

It’s a chore and it’s an art

It’s chainmaille
and I don't know what to weave
Chainmaille
I just don't know what to weave
Chainmaille
I gotta get some done
I gotta teach class this weekend
My to-do list just never ends
Oh yeah

I got a
crushing grip and an old man's sight
Wove maille for years to get it right
Don't always know what I'm talkin' about
But when it comes to maille I have no doubts
Cause it’s

Chainmaille
I do research every day
Chainmaille
So I will know what to say
Chainmaille
I gotta get a life

Coils form on the mandrel bar
Coils form from the wire spool
I'm in the middle
of weaving a shirt
I write, teach and weave the rings
It’s chainmaille and I LIKE IT
Yes I like it
Oh I like it
Love it
Like it
Love it
Chainmaille!
Chainmaille!
Chainmaille!
Chainmaille and I LIKE IT!

Not bad! Our next entry is about something I'm sure we've all had to face: when out-of-control kids knock over a bowl of rings during a demo...

10,000 Rings

To the tune of “10,000 Fists” by Disturbed

Chainmailler

Chainmailler

One more goddamn day with the kids running wild
And my guild will be run ragged today, run ragged today
Just another day when all that I want
Is to not end up so haggard today, so haggard today, yeah

[Chorus]
Parents can no longer control their kids
Let them run wild while you walk away
You will remember the night you were struck by the sight of
Ten thousand rings in the air

Children un-restrained wrecking the dell
Is what we face on Shoplifter’s Day, on Shoplifter’s Day
If one more kid destroys my demonstration

I’ll make you little brats pay, I’ll make you little brats pay, yeah

[Chorus]

We are the ones that will spank your kids
Leave them with a beaten behind [4x]

[Chorus]

Ten thousand rings in the air
Ten thousand rings in the air

"Disturbed" rocks, too! Our winning entry comes from the only good song from the otherwise completely useless (and boring) Broadway show "Rent". Ladies and gentlemen, I give you "Seasons of Maille"...

Seasons of Maille

To the tune of “Seasons of Love”

“Rent” official cast recording

525,600 maille rings
525,000 rings in a pail
525,600 maille rings
how do you measure, measure your maille?
in hauberks
in byrnies
in long nights
in cups of coffee
in inches
in units
in weaving and strife
in 525,600 maille rings
how do you measure a year in the life?
how about maille
how about maille
how about maille
measure in maille
seasons of maille

525,600 maille rings
525,000 demos to plan
525,600 maille rings
how do you measure the work of a women or a man?
in weaves that she learned
or in chains that he tried
in carpets he burned
or the way that she plied
it's time now to weave out though the workload ever builds
lets celebrate
remember a year in our chain-maille guild
remember the maille
remember the maille
remember the maille
measure your life in maille
seasons of maille
seasons of maille
measure your life
measure your life in maille

Beautiful. Just beautiful. On a side note, I did the math on that, and 525,600 rings in one year comes out to a workload of 391 rings each day for a four-person guild (assuming 12-hr work days). That's only a ring every other minute. That's not bad, right?

So that's it for another month of Blackmaille. Remember, we'll be doing this song contest thing again in about six months, so start working on your entries! In the meantime, thanks for joining us for another month! As usual, any fan mail, hate mail, questions, or comments can be sent to:

                        Blackmaille
                        c/o Thomas Beckett
                        13628 Belmead Ave
                        Grandview, MO 64030

Or you can email me at: tbeckett1@kc.rr.com subject line "Blackmaille"

See you next month!

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